CHOCOLATE
by this is madness
Summary: I wrote this for the Shelter Diner Schmoop Angst Challenge and thought I would post it here. Hope you like. Zach doesn't understand Shaun's new health kick and starts to feel insecure...


CHOCOLATE

'Running? What do you mean - running? Like in proper running?'

'Yeah,' sighed Zach patiently, 'like he's bought a pair of proper running shoes and he runs practically every day with Steve.'

'Steve? What, as in Steve, his old friend from uni, that Steve?'

'Yeah, Gabe, that one.' Zach spelt the words out slowly as if he were talking to a small child. It was great having this long overdue conversation with his best friend even if it was just on the phone but sometimes Gabe just did not seem to latch onto things very quickly.

'But, I just don't get it. Why running? You two go surfing together, you swim with Codes a lot, hell, you do loads of things. Why would my big brother ever want to take up running? It's such a fucking boring thing to do when he could be doing… well... other things, you know? Hell, I just don't get it.'

'Yep, I think you've made that pretty clear, dude. You'll have to ask Shaun why some time. Of course I don't mind what he does. He's at home all day and it must be good to get out with a friend like that. I don't have much time during the week for that sort of stuff. So good on him. I was just a bit surprised when he started, is all.'

Zach chewed on his lip, deep in thought. If truth be told, he found it more than surprising, he was also just a little worried. Shaun had seemed a bit distant for a while now, nothing was exactly wrong but tiny doubts were niggling at him. Yesterday Cody had helped him make Shaun's favourite dessert, chocolate mousse and Shaun hadn't even touched it. He'd even pushed it away like he was pissed or something.

Zach had met Steve loads of times and really liked him but what if Shaun wasn't just going out running with him? What if he was beginning to realise that Zach was way too young for him and it was good to be with people more his age? After all, Steve was hot. Zach was jolted back to reality by a dirty laugh down the other end of the phone.

'You wouldn't believe what we did but when I woke up in the morning, she'd already gone…,' Zach didn't even feel guilty about not listening to Gabe, he'd heard so many of his stories before that he didn't feel obliged to listen.

The front door opened and Zach got up out of his chair to help his boyfriend with the shopping.

'Listen, Gabe, gotta go, see you tonight, OK? And, Gabe, try not to show us up this time, eh?' he teased, 'Just remember that not everyone appreciates your sense of humour!' Zach said his goodbyes and went to greet Shaun. He put his hand tenderly round his neck and pulled him in for a soft kiss. 'Hi, babe, was beginning to wonder where you'd got to.'

Shaun gently leaned into him and sighed, 'Remind me never to go shopping on Saturday morning again. Give me a hand with all this, will you?'

They went into the kitchen and stowed everything away, quietly discussing what they would have for lunch. Zach decided not to complain when Shaun suggested an extra green version of Caesar salad. Shaun's latest veggie phase was not what he would call exciting eating.

As they were finishing their meal and Zach was eating more bread to fill himself up, he talked about the party they'd been invited to that evening to celebrate Emma's birthday. 'They'll be about 30 of us if everyone turns up which should be cool. We all got on so well in that life drawing class, it should be a blast.'

Shaun stood up to clear away and said brightly, 'Hey why don't you go and enjoy yourself with Gabe and your friends and I'll babysit Codes? I mean, he's been wanting to watch that Happy Feet movie he got for his birthday for ages.'

Zach tensed, battled with himself for a while, then decided to go for it, have it out with Shaun, 'What do you mean Shaun? I want to watch that with you two. You know he loves our movie nights together. Why don't you want to come to Emma's party? I just don't get it.' The niggling doubts were rising to the surface and he just knew that he had to get things cleared up.

Shaun stopped what he was doing and walked to the window. They didn't have much of a view but there was a patch of blue ocean to be seen in a far corner if you looked hard enough.

'Shaun? What's up? Please tell me.'

Shaun turned round and took a deep breath as if he was plucking up the courage to speak, 'I just thought you might like to be by yourself with your friends without me tagging along'. The last few words came out in a rush and he looked away.

The tension in the room was almost tangible until Zach exploded, 'What the fuck, Shaun? Where did that come from? I want to go with you tonight. With my boyfriend. It wouldn't be the same without you, you know that.' Zach's eyes glassed over, he grabbed his boyfriend and cupped his face with the palms of his hands, 'What's going on, man? You gotta explain.'

Zach waited patiently, not letting his boyfriend go. Shaun looked nervous, his eyes darted around the room and eventually spluttered out, 'Remember a couple of weekends ago when we went out with your crowd from CalArts?'

'Yes', Zach answered slowly, not sure where this was going, 'When we went to that karaoke bar?'

'Yep, that one. I just kinda felt like a spare part, you know? I was driving so I guess I wasn't quite in the party spirit with everybody but I dunno know, I just felt so old, so out of it, I didn't even know the songs you lot were singing and to make it worse, that Danny was hitting on you big time.'

Shaun looked so forlorn that Zach had to bite back his laughter. His hands went round Shaun's neck and he pulled him close so that their foreheads were touching, 'I can't believe you were jealous of Danny, babe. How could you even imagine that I would be interested in anyone else when I'm with you? I love _you_, Shaun.' He stared into Shaun's eyes and then started to place gentle butterfly kisses all over his cheeks and around his lips, murmuring, 'Just you. Only you.'

Shaun closed his eyes and shook his head, 'But Zach, you're so young, so talented, you've got this brilliant life before you, just waiting to start. One day, you'll wake up and wonder why you're with me, I'm not getting any younger, you know.'

Zach gazed up at him, stunned, 'So let me get this straight,' he said slowly, 'You think I'd be better off with someone my own age, someone like Danny?'

'Maybe. You seem so happy when you're with them and even I have to admit that Danny is way hot,' Shaun replied sadly.

'Idiot, I'm happy because you're there with me. That's what makes me happy,' Zach whispered firmly into Shaun's ear, 'OK, Danny's not bad looking and his body is OK but fuck, he's not a patch on you,' and he squeezed Shaun's ass to show his appreciation.

Shaun smiled timidly, 'You mean, you think I still look good?'

This time, Zach didn't even try to hide his laughter. 'If I didn't know you better I'd think you were fishing for compliments,' he barked, 'Yes, babe, you still look good and if you really must know, I think you're smoking hot. In fact, if you would just step this way, I could probably show you.'

So saying, Zach took Shaun tenderly by the hand and led him into their bedroom. He slowly peeled off Shaun's T and his jeans and laid him down on the bed. Zach's kisses slowly started from Shaun's feet and travelled north. And Zach showed Shaun just how smoking hot he was.

Zach woke a while later with Shaun spooned behind and pulled the arm Shaun had draped around his waist more tightly around him.

'Shaun,' he whispered, 'you awake?'

'Mmm', was Shaun's contented sigh as he began nuzzling Zach's neck.

Zach arched back into the embrace, 'I love you, you know that, don't you, Shaun? I love everything about you.' He paused to gather his thoughts, 'I love that you are older than me. I guess it makes me feel secure. And I know that Cody is really happy now and that has gotta be something to do with you, with us.'

Shaun finally stopped kissing his boyfriend's neck and started licking his ear, 'You mean that I don't have any competition from Danny then?' Zach slapped his hand playfully and replied, 'Silly, of course you don't.'

Shaun stroked Zach's stomach and whispered thoughtfully, 'And you don't think I need to lose some weight? I think I'm getting a bit of a gut.'

The niggling doubts of the last few weeks suddenly slipped away and Zach turned round in Shaun's arms. With a big grin, he said, 'So does that explain all the vegetables and salads we've been eating recently?' Shaun nodded shyly. 'And not wanting Cody's chocolate mousse?' Shaun nodded again. Zach rolled on top of Shaun, straddling his hips, 'So I don't have to worry about you going running with Steve?'

Shaun shook his head and reached up to kiss him, 'Zach, you'll never have to worry about me like that, there's only one person in this world for me and that's you. I just want you to feel the same.'

A very happy couple went to Emma's birthday party that evening. Zach hardly let go of Shaun all night. They got teased for being so sappy. Gabe kept shooting knowing looks at Zach and making comments about his married brother and his brother in law. Instead of earning a swat around the back of his head, it just made Zach's contented smile get wider.

When Danny came up to talk with them, Zach pulled Shaun more tightly to him and Shaun just relaxed into his hold. After a few minutes of what must have been awkward conversation for Danny, Zach pulled away and muttered, 'I'm off for a leak,' and disappeared upstairs.

Shaun bravely continued chatting to Danny about his coursework, about what he was going do in the summer and God knows what else. He was beginning to curse Zach for leaving him stranded when his cell beeped with an incoming mail – from Zach. Puzzled, he opened it:

_Shaun_

_Just slipped out to write this down as I really want you to know how I feel and you know I'm not that good with words. So here goes - wherever I am, there's only ever one other person in the room. You. You are the only person who really counts for me. Except Cody of course. You are my other half. You make me whole. I love everything about you and I promise that if I can believe you want to be with a kid like me, then you must believe that I want to be with an older guy like you. Deal? Let's try to not make that an issue again, please. You're so good with words. You're so sexy. You're perfect. I just hope that you'll keep on loving me cos I want us to be forever. Love, love, love you. Zach XX_

Shaun looked up, glassy eyed and his face broke into a wide grin when Zach walked back in and sat down beside him. 'Hey you, where you've been?' He squeezed Zach's knee and whispered in his ear, 'I just got the most romantic e-mail ever which I'm going to save in my phone and read over and over again. In fact I'd really like to go home right now and show you just how happy I am.'

Zach chuckled, 'We'll just have to wait a bit longer for that, babe, we can't go before Emma cuts her cake, you know.' And, as if on cue, Emma's boyfriend came out of the kitchen with an amazing birthday cake alight with candles and sparklers. When they'd sung happy birthday and Emma had blown out the candles and cut it up, Zach went to get two slices. Leaning down to Shaun, he gave him a sloppy kiss and handed him his plate with a slice of rich chocolate cake with dark and white chocolate swirls on top, 'For you babe. And we're not going home until you've enjoyed every mouthful.'


End file.
